Little White Lies
by Skyla1
Summary: It was an end of a marriage, a clean break. One accident would change everything and she came back to me as my "wife". It won't hurt what i did? It was just a little white lie.


Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon, but I do own this story.  
  
I could still see the watery blue of her eyes staring at me. Those eyes that once held nothing but warmth and compassion for me vanished at that moment. She was a strong woman, a stubborn woman, and a woman who would move heaven and earth for me. This look was so unlike her, so lost, and in a way, devoid of anything that could bear resemblance to her namesake.  
  
Serenity.  
  
My arms moved from my sides to capture her in my arms. Instead of stepping forward to accept my gesture, she backed away as if any mere contact with me would burn her. She tentatively raised a shaky hand, pointing an accusing finger in his direction. Her golden locks that I so loved to spend hours twirling between my fingertips during the early morning hours basking in the after glow of making love were now limp and dull. The skin around her eyes was sunken and darkened, as well as the rest of her fair complexion lost to her own exhaustion.  
  
How many days had it been since that night? I had lost count already. According to my day planner at the office, it was only Sunday, the one free day I rested from the grind of the financial workweek. More specifically it was January 23, exactly two months since it happened. Two months since I shattered her beautiful world.  
  
She walked past me in the doorway and seated herself on the pristine white loveseat of our perfect penthouse loft. In simple jeans and a pale pink angora sweater tightly hugging her upper body, she uncomfortably shifted in her seat trying to find the perfect spot on the couch. It was one of many little idiosyncrasies she had about her, which I once said made her perfect in my eyes. She called me silly to find imperfections encompassing perfection. The idea in itself was ludicrous. Her slender fingertips traced the armrest in a path that was only known to her lacking any real straightforward direction, but more a meandering weave that only she could find its conclusion.  
  
I clapped my hands together in my lap, and leaned straight backed against my armchair watching her profile. Her finger stopped, and she raised her head sparing me a short glance only to have her eyes revert back to the fascinating pattern her finger had traced against the upholstery.  
  
So this is it? I heard my own voice ask with a bit more impassiveness than I wished it to have.  
  
Her movements stopped as her body went rigid with my words. Much like myself, she gathered her own hands into her tiny lap. Knuckles tightened making them go white from the grip on her jeans. I guess it is. Her head turned from side to side looking at the apartment she had called home for the last three years. A small pile of boxes filled the corner of the room marked with labels ready to be mailed. It was very gracious of you to hold onto my personal belongings until I return from my trip.  
  
Will someone be coming to take you to the airport?  
  
Her eyes locked with mine, and her eyebrows furrowed as if studying the hidden meaning behind the simple question. Steven offered, but I told him to catch an earlier flight back to Virginia. He'll be at the apartment to sign for my things when you deliver them at the end of the month.  
  
Oh. I can see things are going well between you two. You managed to pick up right where you left off in college.  
  
Uh huh. She wrung her hands trying to hide the brief flicker of an accusation I slung her way.  
  
I pushed down that feeling of guilt deep in the pit of my stomach. Who was I to start throwing veiled insinuations and accusations at her? In reality, the mess, no amiable terms, we had come to were brought upon by my own doing.  
  
I didn't mean it that way, Sere.  
  
I know you didn't, Darien.  
  
Darien. The name sounded so foreign on her lips. It would take me some time to get used to her full usage of my name. She would never call me by any of the little secret endearments she used just for me. I probably would be wishful thinking to have her ever call me by the shortened form of my name.  
  
I'm a little glad that you've gotten back together with him, actually. Perhaps we can put this little mistake of ours behind and move on to do the things and be with the people we were meant for. I wish you two much luck.  
  
Thank you. Although I don't think I'll be ready to make that move to start seeing someone so soon. Maybe in time we might start up again where we left off.  
  
With that said, she abruptly rose from her seat and reached for her purse on the table. I followed in her movements standing up ready for her imminent departure. She tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear staring at her feet for a few seconds before lifting her face up to mine. Once again she offered a smile that only screamed of pity and surrender. As a friendly gesture she extended her hand to be shook.  
  
It was nice seeing you again. I hope you and Beryl much luck, too. If there are any loose ends that need to be settled don't hesitate to call, but you will have to wait until next month. I've told no one where I'm going, so I can really have some time to unwind. She exhaled a tired, heavy sigh. I'll be back in the States in a month much more refreshed. Anyway, don't ever hesitate to stop by when you're in Richmond. Even if you don't ever come our way, a call once in a while would be nice.  
  
They were empty words. I knew it for a fact. No one and especially Serena didn't want me to come by or call. She was just making pleasantries with me. She always did that, always hoping to capture that elusive relationship termed as friendship. From the emptiness of her words, I accepted them fully knowing what she implied. She never wanted to see me again.  
  
I will, I lied.  
  
Okay. I'll show myself out then. The cab should be here by now. Serena slung her bag over her shoulder, and sauntered across the living room towards the door. She slowly opened the door, but stopped. Her body wrapped around its edge with her neck resting on the side. She didn't turn around to face me wanting to hide her face, that usually gave all her emotions away, to say her last parting words.  
  
You've built these walls around you that I always thought I could break through. For a short while, I actually believed that I could help you and heal all the pain inside you. I'll never say marrying you was a mistake. It was more a lesson for me to learn from. You took all my love Darien, and I never asked for anything in return. I took what little you gave me and I cherished it. You kept taking and taking, and now I don't think I have anything left to give to anyone else in this world. My worst mistake, Darien Shields, was letting you take from me. The worst part of it all is that you'll never change for anyone. Goodbye, Darien.  
  
The door closed soon afterwards signaling her departure from the apartment and my life. I tried to ignore the way her voice quavered with each additional word she managed to get out of her mouth. I blocked out that silent sob from the outside of the door. Who was I to care? I was exactly as she said.  
  
I'm a taker, not a giver.  
  
My eyes roamed over the couch where her tiny frame once sat. It was empty, much like the rest of the apartment. Most of the furnishings remained intact considering how I preferred to save the money and keep the old furniture I had owned for god knows how long. It was rather odd how different the place felt now that she was gone. Serena always knew how much I hated decoration preferring to keep the place perfectly clean and free from clutter. The only thing I ever tolerated was the occasional floral arrangement, normally red roses, that I would bring home to her once a week. Now that I think about it, I had always brought home a dozen fresh long stem roses every week before she had entered my life. I guess, I lied all those times when I said I brought them home just for her.  
  
All in all, I would have to say that today went by pretty well. Due to my hectic schedule, I was able to coerce the lawyers into meeting on a Sunday to finalize the papers, the divorce papers. There were no drawn out court dates and hearings, no petty arguments over who got the summerhouse in the Hamptons or the Porsche. Serena was never the type to go for materialistic goods. She always told me a smile and a kiss from me everyday for the rest of her life was good enough to make her happy. That made it all the more easier. So, when it came time to split up the estate, she took her clothes, books, CDs, and the few things she had brought with her when she first moved in and left me the rest. She went as far, as to tally every gift I had bestowed upon her from prior special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries so that she could return them. I declined. What would I do with jewelry and a few couture dresses? It all ended with a simple meeting in the closed building of one of the law offices and two signatures to end two years of marriage and a six yearlong relationship. The legally binding documents were signed, and we headed back to the apartment to settle arrangements for her things to be shipped back to her new home in Virginia. That is how we ended up back at the place formally known as our home.  
  
I glanced down at my watch noticing how an hour had already passed. Time flies when you think about nothing in general sitting in a comfortable chair. I glanced up towards the glass doors of the terrace noticing the snow that had started to fall having no idea exactly when though. Deciding that I should move some of the boxes out of the way before Beryl came over, I made quick work of lugging the heavy things into the guest room. Beryl was one of those women who seemed like the jealous type. Come to think of it, she never did speak very highly of Serena. It's best I move this stuff before she decides to throw a bonfire wishing my now ex-wife to never return.  
  
Beryl.  
  
What can I really say about her? She really is the complete opposite to Serena with her emerald green eyes and brazen red hair. It would be a lie to say that I didn't find her attractive. She was always seductive in the way she always wore her skirts about two inches shorter than most of my colleagues at work. She fell under the category as a take charge and yank them by the balls until they bend to your will kind of girl. Blunt and to the point was her attitude towards things. She made it a good point to make me notice of her infatuation with me the first day we were introduced, even though I was married at the time. I dodged all of her advances so long, but I eventually fell into her trap. Perhaps it was all the stress or the lack of sleep that I found into myself backing her up into the bookcase of my office with my pants around my knees thrusting and groaning while I pounded into her with her legs wrapped around me. I would have gone all night with her if it hadn't been for the surprise visit Serena decided to make at the office. She usually called to tell me if she would come down stay the night with me at the office. I never suspected she would walk in unannounced at one in the morning to see me doing one of the managers of the portfolio risk management divisions.  
  
I don't know exactly what I was thinking when I lifted Beryl off of me and raised my pants back up before looking her in the face. I couldn't even find the words to say an apology. Deep down, I wasn't even that sorry considering the way she had treated me for the last few months.  
  
I had and still do have the lingering suspicions she was the first to have the affair. How else would she and Steven have so easily reconnected after our separation? The bastard had the gall to show up at our apartment a few days later after Serena caught us to pack up a few of her things. The pieces slowly formed in my head of how we separated the way we did. It was her fault in the first place. Serena certainly wasn't doing that with the way she kept to herself, and would make up some lame excuses when I asked her about her whereabouts when she would leave the house and not return until the next day once a month. When I asked her where she went, she plainly answered to visit a friend. I later found out that friend was Steven when I saw her leave the hotel after giving him a quick kiss goodbye.  
  
I hated her for doing such a despicable thing. It was betrayal in the worst form. The vows of marriage were supposed to be respected. I guess that was my reasoning for turning blind to those vows that were broken by her doing first. Beryl gave me what I needed most during that time. I needed someone who cared, who would give me their undivided attention. I needed someone to want me.  
  
As the last box was deposited into the bedroom, I looked down to see one box that was not properly sealed shut. I bent down on one knee and began to seal it when an envelope taped to the side caught my attention. I took a seat on the ground and opened the letter with my name written on it in an all too familiar script.  
  
_Dar  
  
I don't know exactly what I'm going to say to you when I see you for the last time. They may be words of anger, regret, or spite. I don't know what to think with the jumble of emotions I'm experiencing right now as I pack my things to leave what used to be my home. I didn't leave this note to rehash any of those things. This is about the contents of this box. I wasn't really sure with what to do with these things really.  
  
I remember the first time you opened up to me and told me the details to your past. Never think once that I ever pitied you as that nine-year old boy who woke up in the hospital to find both his parents dead and no memory of his life prior. I cried that day not because of pity, but because I realized at that moment I wanted to be the one to heal that boy trapped in the twenty one year old man in front of me. You always said you felt like a part of you was missing when you never recovered your memories. I tried to give you back some of the life you missed, but was I ever enough? It's too late to get an answer now. When I looked through these photo albums, I realized that they really don't belong to me. I made these for you. I guess, I hoped that one day when we were old and gray we would look through these and you could say that you had the full life you needed, and that I had been the one to give it to you. Sometimes things don't work out the way we expect them to. These books have documented the most of your life I could find. There are still pages to be filled and more memories to be made. It's my turn now to let them go. I don't know if you will keep these or not, but I hope you do because if you ever lose your way again here is proof that you existed and someone loved you.  
  
I never understood why you did what you did or what I had done to make you fall out of love with me. We both made mistakes, and I know I've made a lot recently. Perhaps I deserve what I've been dealt. I'm a coward and selfish for saying this, but I wish to forget everything about you. I want to forget everything, who I am and what I am. It's all because I can never deny the fact that I still love you.  
  
Always your wife,  
  
Sere  
  
_My hands rifled through the box that ironically contained all the evidence of my entire existence since my birth. It was funny the way that it fit perfectly in a ten by twelve box. The first book was terribly painful to see in my hands, our wedding album. I flipped through the pages seeing the familiar faces of co-workers, old college friends, some friends from high school, and even the faces of my adopted family. It was glaring me straight in the eye as a constant reminder of what little of a past I had from the picture of the inside of the church before the ceremony. The groom's side was so sparse, and the bride's so full that a few had to move over to the other side filling up the rest of the empty seats. I slammed the book shut hating that embarrassment at having Serena's mother ask me I needed any more distant relatives to come in and fill the empty spots.  
  
The next book I picked up contained a few better memories, ones from college. Most of them were shots taken randomly when we both dormed on campus with friends and whatnot. I smiled to myself remembering the way Serena insisted we document everything I did to make sure I had a clear storybook of pictures to accompany the big and small events of my life in case I ever forgot. It was rather cute the way she decided to write little notes in the margins explaining what was going on from her perspective.  
  
The third book was a little book labeled Life After Marriage This one was filled with random candid shots she decided to take of me after we came back from the honeymoon. It was that day that she showed me the other books she had made from college saying that more would come over the years as we grew together. This book was started that day to document our first years as a young married couple. They ranged from the short weekend getaways we took, to simple snapshots of me sitting around the kitchen table sipping on my morning coffee. She had a knack at catching me at the oddest moments with her camera.  
  
Finally, I pulled out the final musty book. I was overwhelmed by the memories alone. She presented me with this on our wedding night. I don't know how and why she did it, but she managed to take the very few pictures I had of my real parents and me, and made a book of childhood memories for me. She went as far as to track down every person in my each of my classes all through elementary school to find class photos or any shots that they might have of me from field trips or school plays. Serena managed to recreate my childhood in this book.  
  
These books only brought out the reason why I loved my wife. It was a reason I would always love my wife. I'm a fool to say this now after all had been said and done. This was actually the final kick I needed to come to realize the truth. Even though I held onto the anger and resentment, I still loved her as much as I needed her the first day. I admit I was never one to get along with easily, and sometimes I really did take her love for granted with the things I did and didn't do. Maybe we could have avoided all of this if I did something earlier to prevent her from cheating on me. Maybe I could have confronted her about it and had her end it with Steven. Maybe we could have found professional help for our defunct marriage. There are a lot of maybes, but in the end my current outcome was the same. We went too far to go back.  
  
I would have continued looking through the books all night had it not been for the blaring ringing of the telephone. I stood up stretching my sore muscles from moving all those heavy boxes to realize that night had fallen. From the window, I could see the heavy blanket of snow covering the ground adding on to the three inches that had fallen earlier in the afternoon. By now, the weather was turning pretty ugly. Deciding to finally put that persistent caller out of their misery, I stalked over to the phone and yanked it up.  
  
  
  
I don't even remember the exact words she said over the line, but I did catch the few important words.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I'll be right there! I yelled dropping the phone and grabbing my coat. I didn't even remember the fact that Beryl was supposed to show up at my door in a half hour. All that mattered now was getting to Serena. I needed to know for sure for my own benefit. I would not be able to sleep at night unless I knew she was okay.  
  
------------------------------------  
  
I got a call, I huffed in between labored breaths.  
  
I was a mess after having swerved through five inches of snowfall along the highway to get to the hospital in such a short time. I should have fell on my hands and knees thanking god I didn't get into an accident on the slippery roads. Serena wasn't so lucky from the ten-car pile up I passed on along the way. They were still running the police lines around the scene of the accident.  
  
Excuse me, sir. I need to know the name of the patient you're looking for.  
  
Her name is Serenity Shields! They told me to get here right away.  
  
The brunette nurse behind the desk, who seemed very annoyed at my anxious behavior revealed a bit of shock at the name I uttered. The scowl on her face from having been interrupted in the middle of her phone conversation fell, and she lowered the phone back into its cradle without a single goodbye. She's still in the ER while they finish running some tests. She's going to be moved to a proper room soon, so you'll need to wait a bit before you can see her. Due to her special case, I'll inform Dr. Mathers that you've arrived. Just take a seat, and I'll call you when he arrives.  
  
I want to see her now! I demanded banging my fist on the counter like a spoiled child. You people call me telling me to come down here like it's life or death, and now you want me to wait. She could be dead by the time you let me see her!  
  
Please, sir,' she gently reprimanded taking a slightly stern tone on her voice. Your wife is fine. She's alive and she'll make it through this, but I need you to stay calm. There's the doctor right now. She stood up and waved an elderly dressed man in a white lab coat over. Dr. Mathers, Mrs. Shields' husband has arrived.  
  
Oh good. The friendly looking older man extended a hand to shake mine. I would like you to come to my office if you will, Mr. Shields. Don't worry. Afterwards, I will take you to see Serena.  
  
I grudgingly agreed following the doctor to his office.  
  
I dug my hands into my pockets trying to hold my breath. I hated the smell of hospitals. You couldn't blame me really. Hospitals only brought back painful memories of death and sickness. It the same smell in every single one. They must manufacture that scent in a can or something, called sterile.  
  
Please, take a seat. Would you like some coffee or something? Dr. Mathers asked from across his desk. He slouched back into his chair maintaining the serene smile on his face.  
  
That smile bothered me to no ends. Can we just get to the point?  
  
Fine. I like a man who wants it straight. He cleared his throat before he began. You must have seen the car wrecks along the highway when you got there. I heard a tractor trailer skidded on a patch of ice sending it into a complete 360. All the cars around it were trapped in its aftermath as it skidded about a good half a mile down the road. It must have been about ten cars in that wreck being flipped and tossed about like toy cars. The taxi cab your wife was found in had been completely flipped upside down and tossed a few feet off onto the side road. The driver wasn't so lucky. Killed on impact the poor fellow.  
  
I could feel that lump rising in my throat at the sound of her screams and metal crushing down against her. I saw the wreckage. You had to be damn lucky to make it out of that alive and unscathed. Although I had the relief that she was alive, it was the degree to which she was alive that bothered me. What about Sere?  
  
She was a lucky one, that girl. I must say, as long as I've known your wife, Mr. Shields, she has been as obstinate as a bull. I knew she would be a fighter. She was always a talkative one telling me about her life. We formed a sort of friendship over the years as a doctor and patient. Someone must have been looking out for her considering the fact that none of the metal wreck punctured through her. That seatbelt saved her life. Since she was securely strapped in she didn't get bounced about as much as the driver who didn't. She suffered a few cuts and bruises, which have been stitched up. None of the cuts were deep enough to do any vital damage. Her right arm was dislocated, but we managed to pop it back into place. Thirty-five stitches and an arm in a sling later, she's now resting fine in her bed. She should be ready to go home in a few days.  
  
Is that all? I asked with a sigh of relief.  
  
Well, there's a little more to it. She hit her head pretty hard on. We found some bleeding, and maybe a slight concussion. We did a few head CT's and found some blood clotting of the brain. It has applied some pressure, which will have some effects on her condition. She was having lapses of consciousness while we treated her, practically hysterical. We managed to sedate her to finish our work, but when she woke up she was very disoriented. It took her a few moments to gather herself. In simplest terms, while she does recall basic information to function like reading to tying her shoelaces, it's disheartening to find she doesn't remember much about her own life. It appears that she is suffering from a slight case of amnesia. With amnesiac cases such as hers, they're always different in the range of memory loss. I know this is the first time we've met, but I've treated Serena before as her regular physician over the years. She always spoke so highly of her husband.  
  
What does this have to do with anything?  
  
I asked her about you, and she had no memory of ever being married or of any man she would have married. When I showed her a photograph from her wallet she had shown me many times before, she said she remembered anything. She says she recalls your face a lot in her memory flashes. She remembered nothing about today or the days before that. It's like starting over with a clean slate. For her, it's having flashing glimpses of events that she has seen or been through, but not really connecting the meaning behind what was going on. It's like watching a movie in your head without knowing the sounds as she put it. Since you know her more personally than I do, I would need your help to ascertain how bad the memory loss is and help her recover some of it.  
  
Will she ever remember?  
  
In time, as the the clotting clears. It wasn't so serious to require a surgical procedure, but over the next few weeks she should slowly be regaining her memories.  
  
I dumbly nodded.  
  
He walked out from behind his desk and placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder. It's alright, son. You two will probably look back at this past year as just a bad luck streak. She was devastated when she came in here a few months back. It's a shame you two have to go through so much pain. I always told her you could try again. It happens a lot nowadays with young couples, but you still have plenty of time.  
  
Time for what? I furrowed my eyebrows not understanding the meaning behind his words. Why would Serena reveal the details to our divorce to her doctor? Why would he be urging us to try again?  
  
You must still be in shock. The aged doctor shook his head in sympathy. Maybe it's for the best that Serena forget about the miscarriage. She was so distraught when she came in. I warned her in the beginning that it might happen considering the spotting she was having during that first trimester. I haven't seen her until today when I broke the news to her. In her delicate state, it's best you withhold from bringing up any events that might be unpleasant or stressful to her. It's best she recall those things herself to come to terms with it when she remembers. Any stress on her would be bad right now.  
  
The world seemed to fall around me. Pregnant? She was pregnant? Nothing made sense anymore. I briefly wondered if that child was even mine. It could have been Steven's for all I knew, but that gut feeling inside of me kept telling me otherwise. We couldn't have been pregnant considering how we had already reached the agreement before we married that I didn't want children. Serena was always efficient about taking the pill. I always saw her pop the tiny pill into her mouth every morning before she left for work. There were so many lingering questions. Why did she still love me? Why didn't she just fess up to her own affair instead of pretending like she had never cheated in the first place? I needed answers.  
  
Can I see her?  
  
Of course.  
  
--------------------------------  
  
I stood outside the door while Dr. Mathers finished up with the brief check up on Serena's status. I could feel my heart pounding through my chest. A part of me was even screaming to turn around and tell them all that I couldn't see her that I had no right to. I was no longer her husband. They should be calling her parents or even Steven for the matter to come and see her. All rational thought escaped me, though. I needed answers, and maybe I could get them from her now to find out the truth about what really happened between us. If she ever did remember everything I could say it was in her best interest in regards to her poor mental state of health that I went along with it.  
  
You can see her now.  
  
Uh huh, I grunted peeking through the open door to catch a glimpse of the blonde head inside. Her face was turned away from mine concealing her face from me.  
  
My feet moved without my knowing. I knew what I was about to do would be seen as beyond cruel, but I had to know. My soft footsteps must have alerted her to my presence. She whipped her head around bound by the thick bindings of bandages with a few wisps of her blonde locks protruding underneath.  
  
Her eyes squinted studying me for a moment. She smiled softly. Hello. You're Darien, right?  
  
I dumbly responded wanting to kick myself. So, you remember me?  
  
Sort of. I remember seeing you at a church with me in front of a priest. Also, I had this ring on my finger now that I remember you slipping on me. That would make you my husband.  
  
  
  
She motioned me to come closer patting the space beside her on the thin regulation hospital bed. Out of nowhere she wrapped her arms around me burying her face into my shoulder. Stay with me. I don't want to be surrounded by strangers in this hospital by myself. Right now your face is the only one I can remember. Promise me something? she murmured between the folds of my shirt she clutched.  
  
  
  
Don't leave me.  
  
I nodded my head acquiescing to her statement, and she released me from her grasp having a much less expression of distress on her face.  
  
Like you said, I'm your husband. I would never leave you.  
  
I was doing the right thing. A little white lie never hurt anyone.  
  
AN: Hate it or love it? I really don't know. This is all coming from some crazy idea I had for an AU with a what if Serena lost her memory like Darien situation but in a really screwed up situation.. If you like, review and I'll write some more. If not then this story will go into the trashcan where all bad stories go.


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